power to see

[rose]

In her eyes her story is told
not through her lips the truth she does hold
but in that blue she does so shield
all her dreams she conceals
all her fears are hidden too
past the tongue beneath the blue
secrets lie so perfectly placed
as tenderly as her face
time is angered by her heart
feelings subside deep inside
leaving time to its own demize.

honor is placed to the one who sees
everything that lies beneath
so little of the world she knows is true
so little of the world tells her the truth

read their minds she tells herself
their ammo is gone
now your strong
no hurt no pain to me
i walk ten steps ahead
no one to give honor
no one to see
the true beauty of pain
that lies beneath.
AKL




[This message has been edited by rose (edited August 18, 2001).]

[rose]

i didnt like the ending. im working on something different. when i reach ill repost it...

[Hannibal]

The beginning flow was very nice... at the end it seemed as if your rhyming broke up though, which kinda threw me off track. I liked the beginning of the poem, but thought the end could have used something more, the beginning seemed deeply seeded with emotion, kinda dark. and the end just seemed to be searching for some amount of the emotion the beginning had.... it was pretty good though.. just needs some work on the ending in my opinion. *nods*

[rose]

ok total new ending...what do u think??
~A~

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[Hannibal]

Interesting.... interesting. That's about all I can say. I can't say I love it, can't say I hate it. *nods* Do YOU like it? If so then it's all good. I think it would be hard to finish up a poem like this...

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